alixinreallife

I’m, for the first time acknowledging that I am in fact moving the right direction.
That I might not make the best decisions, or not know all the details,
But everything is put together in a way that’s workable. Positioned in a way that feels like something that I always dreamed.

I had a dream last night, probably the best dream I’ve ever had.
I was a spring morning on the outskirts of Portland Oregon. I woke up to the smell of French toast and rain. I rolled out of a home made mattress laying on a wooden cold floor. It had beautiful, soft sheets and six different sized pillows.
I saw myself with one long sock on, a T shirt that could fit two of me in, my semi dreaded hair down to my mid back, and both arms covered in tattoos. I Opened the door for Casper and two other dogs and we went out back. As I sat drinking tea it started to rain, warm rain… as the sun pierced through a few airy clouds I climbed up the tree out back and sat on the deck we made by hand. I sat there, with the most happiness my body could process. I just knew, that nothing this world could offer would make me as happy as I was at this very moment.

I believe full heartily that this is what I want. Everything else will play itself out
My travels,
Career,
Followers,
It all will find its place.
But I know what I want. And I will do everything in my power to make this happen.

When we talked to the homeless people we met on Saturday someone asked “what is the biggest life lesson you learned from your life style?’
He responded “people are ass holes. Heartless”
My life goal is become a light in darkness, to prove that statement wrong.

I made this public a public enrty.

and also: surgery went perfectly. I am happy with everything.
I hope to be working and back  to school thursday.

BTW: MY PARENTS ARE BUYING ME A HOUSE WHEN I GRADUATE AND MOVE TO PORTLAND
HELL YES!

i'll have to pay rent but.. God its mine when ill buy it off them
made my day!!!!

happy happy happy!

so much as happened,
dont care to fill in.
scream the prayer in two days,
longboarding and techno drive  tonight,
life is great,
i understand how people would want to drop out haha
katie is Awesome!
i am seriously so happy!

yay!

oregon was awesome btw~
yeah, it has been fel.
haha
you dont know what im talking about!

okay she asked if this was my best summer yet!
fels gay, kenny called me a gay hooker! 
ahh and off roading to classical music
and peabody crying because she hated beirut so much on our way to el centro,
god, can it get any better!!!

river all day tomorrow!!!

AH :D
fels mom called her drunk!
hahahahaha
 

Romans 6:3-14 (NIV)

³Or don't you know that all of us who were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death?
⁴We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life.
⁵If we have been united with him like this in his death, we will certainly also be united with him in his resurrection.
 ⁶For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin—
⁷because anyone who has died has been freed from sin.
⁸Now if we died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him.
⁹For we know that since Christ was raised from the dead, he cannot die again; death no longer has mastery over him.
¹⁰The death he died, he died to sin once for all; but the life he lives, he lives to God. ¹¹In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus. ¹²Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its evil desires. ¹³Do not offer the parts of your body to sin, as instruments of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God, as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer the parts of your body to him as instruments of righteousness.
¹⁴For sin shall not be your master, because you are not under law, but under grace


cell was amazing. complete break through. i loved it.
helping people understand the power they have in salvation
difference between flesh and spirit.
just so happy lately.
cant explain it

when i got home kenny apolgized to me, it was insane.
he told me he takes his anger out on me because i am easy.
i just take it, it makes him work to get a reaction, he feeds off it.

at first this made me mad, but then i realized the two good things he just said:
1. I've learned control, and am happy i dont feed his anger
2. He just admitted it

i see big changes.
today was fun/photoshoot idea failed.
have to go to bed,
wanted to see star trek tonight. guess im seeing it saturday after traffic school

AP test tomorrow. i am going to fail...
this is the first day all week i havent longboarding.
im busy, i like it.

I dont have my phone today.
I dont have money either,
today Im home, all day.
I rolled in at 8. slept in my car.
had so much fun.


I am looking at things differently
a lot has changed in the past couple weeks.
its already May. that blows my mind.

what happended thursday will always have an effect on me.

people are interesting
entering/leaving/re-entering our lives.
right now is really different

It's funny how longboarding is becoming the bonding thing for me.
Everyone around is getting drawn to it.
I dont sleep at night very much anymore.
I started drinking energy drinks, I drink like four a day. seriously out of no where
I need to tighten my trucks
I cant believe that was Jays stolen board you gave me as a present.
I want another tattoo


I'm becoming more forgetful lately.
I think more independently, well right now it feels like it.
I really wonder how everyones futures are going to end up,
like where will i be at 20?
will I be happy?

idk I said I'd stop using lj, but I wanted to remember today, 
I want to remember this weekend.
I want to remember.
seems like a struggle sometimes

we arent our pasts,
we are what we learn from from them

if we dont learn anything
we arent anything.

When I was a teenager, I met a man who had this disturbing way of pointing  things out that I found downright uncomfortable. In one discussion, John suggested that I didn't know as much about myself as I thought I did and, furthermore, I would probably never change. I told him that he was wrong; that I understand myself pretty well; I was on top of things in most areas of my life; and who was he to tell me that I could never change if I wanted to! Then John said something that left me standing dazed and silent: "Dan," he said, "there are things about you that you can never change. The reason you can never change them is you can't see them. The reason you can't see them is that you are using them to see." Since then and I have come to realize how hard genuine change of behavior is, how hard it is to know what I need to change, because my perception of myself and the world around me is so distorted. Like the man who corrected me, God gently says to us: "I understand why you see things the way you do. I know that you look at your heart and it doesn't look bad; but that's simply because you are using it to see. In truth, 'You are darkened in your understanding and separated from the life I want to give you because of the lack of knowledge that is in you due to the hardening of your heart.' But if you allow me, I will "give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh." (Daniel Meyer, Oak Brook, Illinois, from his sermon "Love Among the Ruins")

are satan.

hahah
crazy great mood because i mapped out the directions for coachella
fought and won
bonded with cadi :p
listening to the black keys
enjoying the vision of a sunrise in my head

dancing in the dry heat, it was middle of the night
our bodies moving in perfect unison
heat lighting lit the darkned sky
we sang bad fish on the top of our lungs
i was so alive. free.
waking up the sunrise.
protected by warm blankets and your body wrapped around mine
the sunrays breaking free of the horizon line. 
in the middle of the desert, covered in sweat and dirt.
i was so alive. alive in you.


ive never shared that experience with anyone else.
that has to be the most memorable moment of my life.
cant wait to see you at coachella

this is what im looking forward to:
Beirut
Conor Oberst
Dear and the Headlights
Morrissey
Noah and the Whale
Paul McCartney &Ringo Starr
Silversun Pickups
The Crystal Method
The Black Keys<3
We are Scientist

I found out how i can be motivated!
an opposing force!
today the world was against me, nothing went my way.
I got more done then ever. hahaha

Cell is back to normal. mind exploring intense lessons yay!
i found out my grades


3 C's
2 D's
1 A
=l
what of it?

i cant wait for tomorrow!